30 Days of Comics, Day 5: Hawk & Dove #1

I must confess that I’m a little biased going into today’s comic because it was illustrated by someone that I consider to be one of the worst “artists” currently working in the comic industry today: Rob Liefeld. If I dedicated this blog to analyzing why Rob Liefeld’s art is bad I would have no shortage of content and could probably update more often. However, I feel no need to do this because it’s already been done before. Now, while I did physically cringe upon seeing Rob Liefeld’s name on this cover, there is another name just above his: Sterling Gates. I have not read Mr. Gates’ work before so I took a moment to remind myself that comics are a collaboration between writers and artists and that a good writer could very well make up for a bad artist. So with that generous thought in mind I decided to give this comic the benefit of the doubt and give it a fair review.

We start with a televised ultimatum by our villain: Alexander Quirk, self-proclaimed “Science Terrorist.”

Yes, the American people are dumbfounded by how silly this concept is.

We immediately cut to the inside of Quirk’s hijacked cargo plane where the eponymous Hawk & Dove are fighting to stop the science terrorist’s plans. Hawk makes short work of the plane’s crew while Dove tries to steer the plane and prevent it from crashing into the Washington monument.

Woah Hawk, you might wanna get that shoulder looked at... both of them.

I’m going to be a jerk here and ask, how the hell did a cargo plane even got within 500 feet of Washington DC? The beginning of this comic clearly states that this is happening “Now” and not “prior to September 11, 2001.” If Hawk and Dove had enough time to infiltrate this plane you’d think they’d have had enough time to just tell the Air Force who would have promptly solved this problem with F-15s. Ranting aside, the plane seems to be carrying a cargo of humanoid biological weapons, which Hawk mocks amidst his obnoxious chest-beating.

With dialogue this bad, I'm surprised Liefeld didn't write this too.

At least one of the “zombies” busts out of its storage tube and attacks our heroes. Hawk beats them up pretty easily but the fight goes south when Dove is forced to kick one of them out of the plane, causing the cabin to lose pressure.

Um... did Hawk always have those fangs?

As the plane loses cabin pressure (which should actually help with that unexplained fire in the cabin) it descends ever closer to the Washington Monument. Dove flies outside of the plane and props up the wing, hoping that this will help stabilize the vessel so that Hawk can steer it away from the Monument. This plan works about as well as you’d think and the plane grazes the Washington Monument, damaging it but keeping it otherwise intact.

Still too soon?

So at the very least, Hawk & Dove manage to land the airplane. They don’t explain exactly where they landed it but it appears to be an airstrip of some kind and not the National Mall so I’m assuming they were able to guide the burning plane all the way to either Dulles or Reagan National without incident. While the two heroes bicker they’re approached by Washi Watanabe from the Special Crimes Unit of the police; he comes as a friend, saying that Captain Arsala, an old acquaintance of the duo, sends his regards. He explains that Quirk has been raising an army of men and monsters to help him in his political crusade and tells them to be careful before giving them his card.

Nice "business card" bro; did you make that yourself just now?

I just want to point out that Detective Watanabe’s “card” is either double-sided or has only his last name written on it in letters so big that it doesn’t fit on the card. This might be the letterer’s fault, but I think Liefeld just got lazy and figured he’d cover up that mistake with the detective’s “thumb.” Watanabe bids the two farewell and Dove flies away, taking Hawk with her. I must say, I’ve always found it a little odd that out of a superhero team with a bird motif only one of them can fly. As the two leave we get a close up of Watanabe’s watchful right eye.

See, this is a basic technique that artists use to cue us in on what this character might be thinking as the eyes are often said to be the windows to the soul. Of course, Liefeld is not an artist, which is why he drew Watanabe wearing sunglasses so we can’t even see his eyes, making this panel silly and pointless. Like this comic.

Hawk returns to his alter ego of Hank Hall and has an argument with his father about the incident. Hank feels that the current Dove, Dawn Granger, isn’t a good partner for him. He feels that his deceased brother, Don, was a better partner in crime-fighting. They also discuss college, as Hank’s father is pressuring him to return to Georgetown, but Hank is apathetic because he feels it’s a waste of time.

I know a father and son can look the same, but why do they look the same age?

Meanwhile, Dove is patrolling the skies somewhere with the superhero known as Deadman, who is apparently her boyfriend or something. She talks about how she and Hank need each other and that their powers compliment and make up for each others’ weaknesses since they are the respective avatars of war and peace.

Hank continues to talk to his dad about how he and Don originally got their powers. This is clearly for our benefit as his dad should already know this information.
He then goes on to talk about how Don died during the Crisis on Infinite Earths event in 1985 before Dawn became his replacement as the new Dove.

You know, for a relaunch that aims to streamline the characters’ previous continuity and give the writers more freedom to create new stories, this kind of fails. In fact, this seems like the previous continuity has been kept completely intact with the exception of their brief membership in the Birds of Prey. … I could be reading Birds of Prey right now.

With that huge exposition dump out of the way, Hank gets mad and breaks what I can only assume is Don’s framed picture because it’s very badly drawn. He them storms out in a huff and tells his dad that he’s going to blow off some steam.

Take that random glass pane!

Dove continues to chat with Deadman and she says that she’s hiding her true origins from Hank. She reassures Deadman that she’s done so only because the truth would destroy Hank and their partnership.

With all that bickering out of the way, we’re taken to what I’m guessing is the reflecting pool at the National Mall. Some kid and his family are walking by when the kid notices something moving in the pool as well as a really bad smell. His father reassures him that it’s probably a backed up sewage pipe but the stupid little shit decides to investigate. Sure enough, it’s one of the monsters from earlier and he tries to attack the child but is thwarted by a new challenger.
The zombie is indeed snatched up by someone who looks exactly like Hawk who proceeds to deliver probably the dumbest line in this book; that’s saying a lot.

Did Hawk soil his costume again?

When I first saw this page I was a little confused because I seriously just thought this guy was Hawk and that Liefeld chose to color him funny; in the past, Liefeld has done this to try and prove that he understands how dramatic lighting works. He does not. Only after looking at the cover for next month’s issue did I realize that this is a new character. That’s it; this comic is done.

I won’t waste my time picking up future issues and unless you’re a big Rob Liefeld fan, I’d urge you not to buy this book; if you are a big Rob Liefeld fan, I’d urge you to rethink your life and the decisions that led you to accept the idea that his artwork is even passable. Now, I realize I’ve spent the majority of this review ragging on Liefeld’s art and that’s not fair; Sterling’s writing kinda sucked to the point that I seriously think Liefeld pitched some of the dialogue to him. What I find very annoying about this book is that it doesn’t even try to resolve any of the continuity issues that have plagued these characters since Infinite Crisis. A relaunch like this was the perfect opportunity to breathe some new life into two characters that have a lot of potential; instead we got this.

Fuck bad comics; tomorrow we’re doing Swamp Thing #1.